It rained ice shortly after you died.

 There you were with your beautiful long brown hair. Sound asleep in the darkness. I laughed at your possition-you always could sleep in any way, no matter how unncomfortable it may look. You're so beautiful. And though you feel odd being taller than practically everyone in the 7th grade, you have this beauty about you that i never had when I was your age. I turn and shut the door. Deep breath. Big sigh. Deep breath, deep breath...
I undressed slowly for my shower. This night I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. Don't know why, but maybe it was because I didn't want to look at how weak I seemed. I wanted to be someone stronger, especially on a night like this. I stepped into the shower and felt immediate relief by the streams of water beating down against my naked body.
I suddenly felt dizzy and leaned against the cold tile. I closed my eyes, trying to erase the thoughts, but it doesn't work. I bit my lip hard and I tatsed blood. I no longer knew which was flowing quicker- the water running off my body or the tears running off my cheeks. I press my cheek against the side of the shower and talk to God in a whisper.
After drying off and putting on my pajamas I go to look at you on more time before I go to bed. I've cleaned myself. Surely the mental pictures will soon go away. I go to my room and cry, cry, cry.
Cried because I felt alone.
Cried because I felt weak.
Cried because I didn't let myself do it in front of Momma and Daddy.
Cried because Momma cried.
Cried because I held her dead body in my arms.
Cried because she was still warm.
Cried because we couldn't bring her back to life.
Cried.
Cried.
Cried.
Cried. Because there you were so beautifully and peacefully asleep, oblivious that several hours later you would wake up to a tragedy and go to school with a broken heart.
--------------------------
We all woke up with heavy hearts. Except you. Who was so naive to the absence of a lost loved one. We started to leave for school. I hear you outside, calling for her. I hear a small silence. And then all the way on the inside of the house, on the other side of the house, I heard your screaming cries from outside. Just as clear as ever. So clear, so sharp. Cutting off the oxygen around me. I bit my lip and ran to comfort you. I knew you had then found out...
My poor darling Rosa.

May you rest in peace, Tonks. You were a gorgeous cat, and you listened to numerous secrets of Rose and I. We Love you, and I'm sure Rosa will NEVER forget you.
PS: I know Daddy said he didn't like you, and he called you a whore and all that. But the truth is, he cried just as hard as Rosa. I promise. <3

Currently Listening Happy Feet By Original Soundtrack see related

I really really really really hate to admit this, but...

...I think I'm falling for you all over again.

"Artic and pale, locked and loaded."

Believe it or not, I've changed.

Just wait.

Just you wait.

I'm beginning to know exactly who I am.

I'm beginning to look different, too.
Or maybe not.
Maybe I just look in the mirror differently now.

I have something I want to tell you.
But you wouldn't believe me, even if I did tell you.
Maybe one day I will.

Someone reach out to me and love me, like I do to everyone else.

I love you.

My memories are a painting. Sometimes clear, sometimes fading.

  Too went/muddy to run my mile today.

Went to the Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta Tuesday.
Got grounded Wednesday.
And today is Thursday.

And my heart stopped in my throat several times when I saw his face.

How is everyone?

I've started my new journal, by the way. My sixth. I'm oddly giddy about it.

Hair was curly today.

And my jaw hurts.

"Love can make the summer fly, and the night seem like a lifetime."

<3 Nancy

Today.

Something opened up my eyes today.

And it had nothing to do with the Berry College tour I went on...